Fun'n'Games >> Amusing Anecdotes >> Piss-Up In A Brewery
Piss-Up In A Brewery
A true story of thirst, failure, diappointment, organisational incompetence and no free beer.By Senior Dipsomaniac Dave Priestley
Many moons ago, back in the halcyon days of our comparative youth, the now Senior Dipsomaniac Dominic Griffiths was accused of "not being able to organise a piss-up in a brewery". Understandably, he took exception to this, and the insecurities such a cruel remark can cause have remained with him ever since. So when the chance arose to prove his detractor wrong, he jumped at it with all his might.
On the evening of Wednesday, 2 April 2003, Dom sent me an email saying, and I quote:-
"Is there any chance you'd be able to join the gang in Liverpool on Thursday 17th April? This is the date for the Dipsomania Society pissup-in-a-brewery. I'm going to be emailing Cain's tonight to enquire about the availability".
I heard no more about the pissup in a brewery for a while. I chose not to follow it up, leaving it in the more than capable hands of Dom. Then, I received a confirmatory email informing me that:-
"Yes, It's Gonna Happen!!!!! The Dipsomania Society Is Organising A Piss-Up In A Brewery!!!!!"
The email continued with information and prices - £3.75 I thought? Free buffet I thought? FREE BEER I thought?!? Oh, how I was looking forward to Dom's successes in proving wrong his nemesistical belittler. How I could not wait to discover how Cain's brewery make their beer. How I longed for the 2 free pints you get after the tour.
So, with the piss-up in a brewery finally organised, I took it upon myself to arrange some time off work. I handed in my holiday request with glee, informing my boss that I was partaking in a community morale-boosting exercise in the North West. My request duly came back granted, and I was all set to go. And then......
DISASTER! I eagerly opened my new email from Dom, expecting it to be informing me of cheap beer and tours of breweries and other such happy things (despite it being entitled "Bad News! Terrible Terrible News!"). As I read, my expression went from one of hearty joy to one of utter despair. Cain's had replied to Dom with:-
"Dear Dipsomania Society,
I am sorry to have to inform you that Thursday 17th April is fully booked. Should you be interested in any other date please contact me and I will do my best to accommodate you.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Robert Cain."
Another date? What other weekday would we all be able to go out on than the day before Good Friday? Another date indeed!
And what was I to do? I had booked off Tuesday 15th to Monday 21st SPECIFICALLY for this event. I could hardly go back and cancel my holidays, that would be nothing short of sheer madness!
As I write, it is 6pm on Tuesday 15th April. By now, I should be in the pub in Wallasey, looking forward to the impending day of heavy alcoholic consumption and general frivolity all around.
But no. I sit here, in a library in Sunderland, surrounded by students typing badly spelled and generally flawed dissertations; writing a story about how, despite all the qualities the Dipsomania Society hold, we have not yet achieved our aims of perfection. We are nearly there, but just not quite. Our dreams will come true - just not yet; and our ingenious idea of arranging a club dedicated solely to alcohol will eventually bear fruit.
Oh, who am I kidding? We couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery.